It’s one of those days again.
Your creative preschooler decides the bathroom looks much nicer decorated with toilet paper… the last roll of toilet paper found in the house… and then insists the guilty culprit is her imaginary friend, not her. Your tween age child looks you dead in the eyes and proceeds to inform you of all the things you should be doing (never mind that his chores remain undone yet again). Factor in the cookie crumb trail leading mysteriously to the cookie jar, the sibling bickering, and the uneaten meal (you know, the one you made specifically for the picky eater who never wants to eat what’s served) that still lies waiting for your toddler to eat, and you just know it’s going to be a long day. One glance at the clock tells you it’s only 8:00 a.m. and you wonder why you ever got out of bed. Your reminder comes quickly as your toddler’s now-jellied scrambled eggs fly across the room, smack you in the face and drop onto the front of your freshly pressed blouse.
Oh yeah, that’s why… you’re a parent.
So, how do deal with attitudes and behaviors (and stressful days) like this? Ha! I wish I had all the answers to parenting, especially when it comes to effectively displining children. I’m still a work-in-progress parent myself. What I have learned is that the punishment needs to fit the crime and discipline needs to be tailored toward the individual child.
Here’s an example:
Recently, I’ve been struggling with my girls to pick up their toys before bedtime. Nine times out of ten, it turns into an argument over who’s doing more and a tattling war of “Mommy, she’s not picking up. I’m doing everything. They’re not even my toys!” Mommy gets tired of listening to it and ends up doing the majority of the work…and I know they’re not my toys.
Well, one night I reached my max. A time limit of 20 minutes was set and they were warned that anything not put away at the end of the limit was mine for the next few days. The first few minutes were spent with them debating whether Mommy would really take the toys away, with the 4-year-old saying I wouldn’t really do it and the more experienced 8-year-old insisting that I would. When I returned from the basement with a large cardboard box, the message and intent was clear. You should have seen those kids move! When the time was up, there were still a few toys left behind. I, of course, had to follow through with discipline.
I tell this story to emphasize my point. Yelling, using corporal punishment, sending them to their rooms, banning them from the television, etc. wouldn’t have taught the lesson I was trying to instill in my children. Discipline, at least effective positive discipline, should do more than simply make the child aware of the wrong-doing. It should also teach them a valuable lesson.
What was the valuable lesson I wanted my children to learn from this discipline? In life, we’re often given things for which we are responsible. If we don’t cherish them and take care of them properly, we may lose them. If something’s important to you, take good care of it. If you don’t, it may not be around long.
Want to read more tips on positive parenting? Check out this great book I recently came across: Positive Parenting Tips for Every Week of the Year. The author, Lyn Lomasi, is an experienced mother, talented writer and the creator of Parenting Successfully.
